two steps behind

Lately I believe I am rather obsessed with listening to books on tape. What started as a "novel"
idea to multi-task has turned into living in two worlds simultaneously. It started as a motivator to get tasks done around the house.

But it has turned more serious.

I began to get annoyed at any interruptions. You can imagine with three kids there are many. I pause my ipod, stammer out "What?" answer curtly, and press play once more. Repeat ad nauseum. But this listening didn't stop at housekeeping. This past week I have listened to books while.... driving, grocery shopping, cooking supper, gardening, watching grade school soccer, talking with my children (not impossible).... and yes even talking with my husband. While I am tempted to brag at my ability to multi-task, I admit that I may be taking this a bit far.

I suppose I really started to run into problems when I had conversations and left them having no idea what was said. I know my kids deserve more than such generic answers as... what do you think?, hmmm let me think about that one, I don't know, mmm hmmm, sounds good, and my favourite... ask your dad.

I know that the reason I continue to listen on is not my love of literature (although that is there). It is my escape of the mundane. For the first time in a long while I feel as if I am not just a diaper changer, milk pourer, laundress, but a feeling woman. Not a woman who is a mother or a wife, but a woman who can reach into the world beyond her scope and experience a whole range of feelings without it being attached to my roles. While this may sound positive, I don't want to awaken that desire to negate my current reality.

I guess that is the balance I must implement. Being me, being a mother, and being a wife all at once. Is it possible? Maybe I will turn off the ipod and little more often and just see what happens. Maybe I can make them all reality.